Self-care, something we've heard a lot about in the last years, especially since the pandemic started. It's not a bad thing and yet hearing it always elicits a negative response in me. Much like, eating right, exercising more, and so on does. These are things I know I should do, but they feel so hard to do. When I was younger things were so easy, I could eat whatever I wanted, always had plenty of energy, and life was just easier. Getting older sucks lol My brain still says I'm that kid that can do all the things without working at it, but my body laughs at me and says let me show you how you're wrong.
Today I made myself get up and work on doing those things more. I did my recumbent bike, the treadmill, and then my yoga. Yoga is the one exercise I stuck with the most for the longest and honestly did the best for my body. But a few months ago, I STILL let my job become more important than myself. Before you give me the airplane adage about how you are supposed to put the mask on yourself before you can help others, I know that. I think we all know that. Working is easy for me, it's my natural passion, I confess I am a workaholic. I've always known this about myself. As a teenager I knew I would be and I joked that I would need a husband to stay home with the kids because I would be too busy working. Even then I knew myself. It's still true and finding the work/life balance is hard for me. Like taking care of myself it's a constant work in progress for me.
So why the sudden push to work on it now? Different reasons, same thing, keep trying to do better. I'm trying to listen to my knowledge, if you take care of yourself you can do what you love better and longer. I'm 47 years old, that isn't as old as I've been living or feeling at times. I see these older women out there able to do more than I can and I envy them and I am proud of them for taking better care of themselves. We have a new hire at work who is exactly my age and man she can run circles around me and even some of my young girls too! I envy her. I remember being that way before and I would love to get back to half that amount of energy again.
My grandma, now that's a woman to envy! She is 90 this year and still taking care of herself. Sure she's a little slower now but she's 90! When she was 47 she wasn't as hindered as I am. Hell when she was 67 or 77 she wasn't as hindered as I am now! Now comes a bit of my excuses lol I was not lucky enough to follow her side of the family genes. When I was younger I definitely did. People could recognize me as my father's daughter without him even being around. Then somewhere after I had kids, things took a 180 and I totally switched to following my mom's side of the family genes. That means wide hips, large butts, poor circulation, gain weight easily, and so on. Even my face changed to look more like my mom. Genes definitely play a role in your health and I've been fighting them ever since. It does make it harder but I know that I can't blame it all on that.
Another thing that is pushing me to get my butt in gear again is my granddaughter, Ava. This year she turns 5 and we are taking a family vacation to Disney. I'm hoping this will the first of many extended family vacations. Disney means a lot of walking and standing, 2 things I can't do well anymore. I want to enjoy our trip and not be in pain or have to miss out. This past weekend we all got together to bowl. Afterwards she wanted to go play in the arcade and we were running to the arcade. Within 30 seconds I could no longer keep up with a 4 year old! She wasn't running at full speed but this grandma couldn't keep up. Disney will be here in 5 months, I have a lot of work to do to get better by then.
I know what I need to do this time around so hopefully that will help to make it easier. Almost 2 years ago I took a big leap and signed up to work with Lucia to figure out better ways to be healthier and hopefully lose weight too. It was amazing and I highly suggest anyone looking for a real life way of changing things to check her out. Lucia Hawley, MSW | Mindful Weight Loss Coach for Women
The weight loss was the easy part of the program, it was dealing with the feelings and issues behind my situation that was hard. While I have allowed myself to fall into old habits, this time around I know how to get back on track and I know what I need to do. I'm mindful of the things that I do or don't do and I don't beat myself up over not being perfect anymore, thanks to Lucia. I learned that I do have control over myself, my body, and my life, I just sometimes let myself give so much that I don't leave anything for myself. This comes from always needing to be the strong one, constantly telling myself I can handle everything that comes my way, and let's face it, that's not always true.
Yes, I'm starting this crusade to take better care of myself YET again. That statement can sometimes make you feel negative, as if you failed many times before, but it's not. It's a positive, in that I'm not giving up, no matter how many times I don't stick to it. Not giving up is always a good thing. So here's to better health attempt 203!
I tried blogging a few years ago and never went far with it. I'm going to give it a try again, well, because I need an outlet. I'm 10 years into working with shelters and rescues and of course that comes with ups and downs. But lately I've taken a new role in this world, and it comes with a lot more pressure, or at least more pressure for me. Now I'm the Director of a local rural shelter. The pressure and heartache is even bigger.
It's funny because when people hear what I do, they are either on one side or the other. Some people think it's so amazing and think it would be such fun to work with the animals, to help them find new homes and such. These people are oblivious to the sad things we see and usually don't want to hear that part of things. Or there's the opposite side, where the people think it would just be too sad to do what I do. These people mean well when they say things like, "oh I just couldn't do it. It would be too sad for me." But sometimes what I hear is "I must not have as much of a heart as they do" or "that somehow the things I see don't bother me as much". Again, I'm sure they mean well and feel they are giving me a compliment or something nice, but when things have been rough. When I'm feeling I'm not doing enough, or I'm failing in some way, all I hear is a backhanded compliment.
I started to say it's funny that no matter how many good things happen, they never stick with you as much as the bad things. But its not funny. The truth is just that. I can help to save 100's of puppies but the ones that die from one thing or another are the ones that build up. Truly my saves outweigh my losses but the losses are the ones that drain me. Drain us- people in the same line of work.
Some days I can keep pushing through, but others, those days are hard. I feel heavy, sluggish, can't concentrate, and I just want to throw up my hands and walk away. Sometimes I even convince myself that I will, but I don't. I say I'm not addicted to anything, but I'm wrong. I'm addicted to helping animals even though it bring me sorrow, hurts my heart, and changes me everyday.
What Our Clients Are Saying
Amazing time for both of my pups while we were away for vacation! Drop off was smooth for my anxious pup which is a rarity. They were excited to see me upon pick up, but far more calm than taking them to a traditional kennel and they were worn out from all the playing they got to do! We highly recommend Richelle and her family!~Amanda Baumgardner